Monday, January 28, 2008

Another week gone...

Well, it has been three weeks now since we lost Angela.  I'm still expecting to wake up and find that this is all a terrible nightmare!  I still cry every day, but i also laugh...that is what she would want.  I can't change the fact that my heart is broken and I've lost my best friend, but I can commit to do what she did - look for the rainbow.

I want to honor her by living life the way she did - of course, nobody can live life the she did - I've never met anyone with a more positive outlook on life than her.  If I can have just half of that, I think I will make her proud.  

I've never felt so close to her and so far away as I do now.  Every part of my day is filled with thoughts of her.  I want to pick up the phone and call her about 1000 times a day - maybe a few more!  It's weird - there are so many things I want to tell her - little things, funny things, insignificant things - but to tell anyone else just doesn't even sound appealing.  I would never get the kind of response from anyone else as I would her.  She would totally understand just where I was coming from and we would end up laughing.  She could take even the gloomiest day and laugh about something!  What a gift!  I wish I could laugh like she did.  She didn't just chuckle - she laughed hard and loud about everything!  I can hear her now!

I am so thankful to God for giving me this once-in-a-lifetime friendship!

Anyone reading this - I encourage you to invest in people.  Stop working so hard, and spend time with those closest to you.  Tell your friends and family just how much you love them and why they are important to you.  Find that friend that encourages you and lifts you up - and do the same for them!  Life is precious and short!  Live more....Laugh more...and Love more....


Monday, January 21, 2008

Two Weeks

It's been two weeks since Angela passed away - the hardest two weeks of my life.  God is good, though.  He has shown me, through so many people, His unconditional love.  Even when I have been angry - He has just loved me.  I have learned how helping others helps me to heal.  I have learned that Angela is still my best friend and always will be - I just don't have her here with me physically.  I can still do things for her that I would've done before - just now they are for her family.  I can't talk with her, but I can remember her and talk to her through journaling.

I've told her husband, Tom, he will get through this - not over it.  I think that is true.  In getting over something - I feel that you somehow forget.  I don't want to or think God would want me to forget.  When you move through something - you remember and are changed because of your experiences.  That is what I feel.

I think of Scott's dad and how our whole family was changed by his presence - how we still are changed.  He was a strong but quiet leader.  I know that Scott has forever been changed because of the influence of his father which in turn has affected us all.  We are all better for having "Pap" in our lives.

Thank you Lord for bringing us through the fire!


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Confusion

Wow!  This year has started off with so much sorrow.  This morning, another friend, the mother of one of Bailey's good friends, died.  How can this be?  I did expect this one - Alison had a long battle with brain cancer.  Single mom - prayer warrior - woman of extreme faith! 

How is all of this going to affect my children?  Does it make death less scary because they are learning to deal with it at a young age and learning how to comfort those who are hurting?  Or does it make them fearful and less secure in that they wonder if myself or Scott may die as well?  I pray that it is the first - it seems as though it is the first.  They are so sweet and concerned for their friends and their families and me.  

They have asked if they could pray with me when they found me crying one night last week.  Wow!  God has blessed me beyond all comprehension with daughters who are so in tune to what God is leading them to do that they would step up and take care of their mommy who is struggling with a great loss.

Thank you Lord for my sweet girls!  Help me to teach them of your love through these tragedies instead of them feeling fearful of loosing one of us.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

God never changes

I was reminded tonight during our home group that in the midst of all of the change taking place in my life - that God hasn't and will never change.  That is the one thing that is comforting to me at this time.  My God....the One that Angela is in the presence of tonight....will NEVER change!  

This is not new information to me - it's just good to be reminded of at times like these.  

I miss my best friend, but I also know that I will see her one day - knowing that is such a comfort. Heaven is a sweeter place with her laughter tonight! 

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm new at this - and I have a broken heart

Ok - this is my first timing blogging.  I enjoy reading others' blogs, so I thought I'd give it a try.  Here I go....

I lost my best friend this week (girl friend - that is).  Angela was the most amazing person you would ever meet.  I feel very lost without her.  We laughed together, cried together, prayed together, and talked about everything together!  I miss her more than I thought possible.

She loved God and gave Him the glory for everything in her life.  She had an amazing testimony - a life full of miracles.  If anyone had the right to complain about their circumstances, it would have been Angela, but she didn't.  She always knew that God had a purpose and a plan for her, and as much as she hated being away from her family whenever she had to be in the hospital, she made sure that everyone she came in contact with knew that her ultimate Physician was Jesus Christ.

I pray that I can have the kind of faith that she had.  I pray that everyone will have the kind of friendship we had at least once in their life.  My life has forever been changed because I was blessed to have Angela in it.

Angela, I miss you and I love you!  Thank you for sharing your life and love with me.  I will never have another friend like you.  I miss the multiple phone calls and text messages between us every day - I miss our long talks by the pool or sitting on the couch - I miss our pizza nights and scrapbooking - I may never finish my scrapbook now that you are gone!  (I can hear you laughing now!)   Who is going to motivate me now?   I will cherish the time we had and promise to watch over your beautiful family while you are gone.  Until we meet again.....I love you!