What can you learn during an elementary chapel?

Let me tell you....today was one of those days that the tears came without warning.  Sometimes I just don't know what sets me off.  I wish I did so that I could be prepared or avoid it at least.  Anyway, I started the morning with tears right as the bell was ringing, so I ducked in the principal's office to compose myself.  I got it together enough to go to class and give a spelling test.  Then came chapel...a friend asked if I was Ok - here they came again....I had to leave.  I went upstairs and got it together again.  I went back down to chapel.  I came back in just as Kayla was beginning her talk to the kids.  Today's lesson was SO just for me!  Isn't God good?  Using a message meant for 8-11 year olds to speak directly to me.  Hmmmm....I wonder if that means anything.  Nah!  Surely not!  Anyway....the point of the message was that God wants to make us strong so that we will be more useful to Him.  We have to let Him make us strong, though.  I SO need Him to make me strong, and I SO want to be more useful to Him.  After chapel, I felt strong for the first time in a long time.  I felt like I could do this!  I lay here tonight not feeling quite as strong as I did earlier, but feeling like it's not hopeless anymore.  

Thank you God for using a simple message to encourage my heart and help me see the light!

A New Day

I'm starting to feel like I can do this.  I've wondered how I will move forward without Angela.  I now realize that I don't have to do it without her.  I have her spirit with me - I have my memories of her with me.  Of course, I would rather have HER with me, but these things I do have are gifts that I will cherish always.  I have a wonderful family, incredible friends, and get to teach some of the best kids in the world!  I will move forward with God's help just the way Angela would want me to.  The journey will be long and slow, but no doubt, it will be a life-changing one!  

Psalm 102:1-9

Hear my prayer, O Lord,

let my cry for help come to you.

Don not hide your face from me

when I am in distress.

Turn your ear to me;

when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;

my bones burn like glowing embers.

My heart is blighted and withered like grass;

I forget to eat my food.

Because of my loud groaning

I am reduced to skin and bones.

I am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins.

I lie awake; I have become

like a bird alone on a roof.

All day long my enemies taunt me;

those who rail against me use my name as a curse.

For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears.

Quiet Time

Here is an excerpt from my quiet time this morning.  It is from Max Lucado's Safe in the Shephard's Arms.

"It is hard for you to see the City (Heaven) in the midst of the storms.  the desire to pull over to the side of the road and get out entices you.  You want to go on, but some days the road seems so long."

"Remember this:  God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.  He may not do what you want, but he will do what is right...and best.  He's the Father of forward motion.  Trust him.  He will get you home.  And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast."

I know that Angela is "lost in the joys of the feast" now.  I also know that she would want me to follow our Lord in that "forward motion" that is mentioned in this part of the book.  Right now, God's plan for me is here with my family, teaching my students, and glorifying His name with my life just as she did.  I know that somewhere in this grief is a light - one day I will feel pure joy again - one day I won't hurt so badly - one day....

The healing process

The healing process....I'm not really sure what that entails.  I sure never imagined it would be this difficult.  I find myself crying at times that I can't even explain and angry at things that I should not be angry at.  I get jealous when hearing about friends going to have a bite to eat together or seeing them talk in the halls.  I never knew that I could hurt this much and for this long - I know it has only been a month, but it feels as though the pain will never go away.  

Life has just gone on, but all I want to do is sit and reflect.  I want to remember.  I want her back.  I want to hear her voice again.  I long to hear her laugh!  I imagine her calling me - I check my email and still hope to see one from her.  I know it sounds silly - I just feel like this is all a really bad dream.  I want to wake up and find that my best friend is still here.  I want to wake up and find that the world is the way I remember it.