Change

Change seems to be something that is happening a lot in my life lately.  Change can be good, but it can also be very difficult.  God never changes, which is the one thing that is comforting to me right now.  My marriage is another thing that brings me great comfort - knowing that through good times and bad we are in this thing called life together!  I am truly blessed!  And finally, my friends give me great comfort during hard times.  I've been feeling quite sorry for myself lately because the one friend I would turn to right now is no longer here, and it has left me feeling very lonely and empty.  However, God is showing me through this time that I have to learn to lean on other friends and that ultimately Scott and I must lean on Him.  

We'll get through this trial, and we'll be stronger for it!  I am in awe of all that God has brought us through so far, and have faith that He will do it again!

Relay for Life

Friday night I did probably the best thing so far to help my heart to heal.  I participated in the Relay for Life and walked in honor of Angela.  I went with my good friend, Meredith.  The whole night was just amazing...emotional...memorable...special...uplifting...healing...I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.  Meredith and I went together to talk about Angela and share our memories of her.  She was very close to their family - lilke another daughter to them - the girls' babysitter since the youngest was just a baby.  We cried, walked, shared, and best of all laughed!  They played a lot of 80's music as we were walking - I couldn't help but think of how much fun Angela and I would've had singing along.  This is definitely something that will be a part of my life from now on.  

I pray that through events like this that we can raise enough money to find a cure for this horrible disease so that other children, husbands, wives, and best friends don't have to go through this much pain.  Cancer touches us all in one way or another.  I don't know if I knew anyone with cancer when I was a young child, but my children know a dozen people who either have it or have died trying to fight it.  I would be lying if I said that didn't scare me.  It terrifies me!  That's why I think that events like this are so important - not just to remember those who have fought and won or have fought and lost but also to make us all aware of how fragile life really is.  Live each day to its fullest!

Live...Laugh...Love

Something Cool!

I read something in this book that I'm reading that I have never thought of before.  In Psalm 6:8-9, it says, "Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping.  The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer."  In the Message, it says, "At last the Lord has heard my sobs..."  I'm a pretty simple person.  I accept things just the way they are and don't question much.  My faith is simple - I like it that way.  So, it shouldn't surprise me that I had never thought of this before - God hears our tears and they become our prayers!  Wow!  I just LOVE that!  I have shed many tears in the past two and a half months.  There were times where I felt badly for not praying more than I was, but to know that my tears were heard by God...He knows my heart, of course, so why wouldn't He know my tears?

Good day

Church was just really awesome today.  Scott and I visited a new church while the girls were at church with friends.  It was the first time in a long time the we both really enjoyed church together.  Worship was awesome - the people were so welcoming - the message was challenging.  It was such a gift from God.

Our God is such an incredible God!  I can't imagine someone going through the loss of someone they love without the knowledge that they are now in Heaven worshipping a great and glorious God!  Throughout this whole process - I have never gotten mad at God - although I know that He would understand.  I have questioned Him - definitely, but I realize that that, too is OK.  Even Jesus, on the cross, questioned God by asking, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  Even in my questioning, I know that I may never have an answer that will satisfy my earthly heart and mind, but I DO know that the God I serve is bigger than any hurt or question I may have - and in that, I find peace.

What can you learn during an elementary chapel?

Let me tell you....today was one of those days that the tears came without warning.  Sometimes I just don't know what sets me off.  I wish I did so that I could be prepared or avoid it at least.  Anyway, I started the morning with tears right as the bell was ringing, so I ducked in the principal's office to compose myself.  I got it together enough to go to class and give a spelling test.  Then came chapel...a friend asked if I was Ok - here they came again....I had to leave.  I went upstairs and got it together again.  I went back down to chapel.  I came back in just as Kayla was beginning her talk to the kids.  Today's lesson was SO just for me!  Isn't God good?  Using a message meant for 8-11 year olds to speak directly to me.  Hmmmm....I wonder if that means anything.  Nah!  Surely not!  Anyway....the point of the message was that God wants to make us strong so that we will be more useful to Him.  We have to let Him make us strong, though.  I SO need Him to make me strong, and I SO want to be more useful to Him.  After chapel, I felt strong for the first time in a long time.  I felt like I could do this!  I lay here tonight not feeling quite as strong as I did earlier, but feeling like it's not hopeless anymore.  

Thank you God for using a simple message to encourage my heart and help me see the light!

A New Day

I'm starting to feel like I can do this.  I've wondered how I will move forward without Angela.  I now realize that I don't have to do it without her.  I have her spirit with me - I have my memories of her with me.  Of course, I would rather have HER with me, but these things I do have are gifts that I will cherish always.  I have a wonderful family, incredible friends, and get to teach some of the best kids in the world!  I will move forward with God's help just the way Angela would want me to.  The journey will be long and slow, but no doubt, it will be a life-changing one!  

Psalm 102:1-9

Hear my prayer, O Lord,

let my cry for help come to you.

Don not hide your face from me

when I am in distress.

Turn your ear to me;

when I call, answer me quickly.

For my days vanish like smoke;

my bones burn like glowing embers.

My heart is blighted and withered like grass;

I forget to eat my food.

Because of my loud groaning

I am reduced to skin and bones.

I am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins.

I lie awake; I have become

like a bird alone on a roof.

All day long my enemies taunt me;

those who rail against me use my name as a curse.

For I eat ashes as my food and mingle my drink with tears.